The Number One Male Obsession

The other day, Gabriel came up to me, and, with a sly smile that said I'm about to say something REALLY FUNNY, asked "Mom, could we have a diarreah casserole for dinner tonight?" He continued to stand there looking at me with that silly George Dubya smirk, sure that I would bust out into peals of laughter. I responded with a dry Roseanne-style answer that I would eat a little something and try to whip one up. I noted, for the millionth time, my son's preocupation with all things poop.

Just a few weeks earlier, he informed me that he needed to go to the bathroom. "Do you have to poop?" I asked, since I would be the Designated Wiper (if they could see me now). He proceeded to fart audibly, and answered "That would say 'Yes'".

That's not to suggest he did not mention poop or farts at all in between those two instances. As anyone living with a young boy would agree, there is some mention of it, many times, every single day.

But it does not end there. My little one, my sweet three-year old Baby Boy, for crissakes, sings about it, jokes about it, and laughs about it, all day long. "Happy Birthday to STINKY! Happy Birthday to POOP!" "You better watch out, you better not POOPY! Santa Claus is coming to POOP!"

And, the day of the casserole request, my husband, MY GROWN HUSBAND said to me, "I was just watching The Deer Hunter, and the credits were rolling, and do you know what the name of Vietnamese Enemy #1 is? 'Poo Poo Pee'. Isn't that FUNNY?"

Well, in the world of men, I'm sure it is. If it had been Vietnamese Enemy number two, it would have been funny to the rest of us. But to a guy, just the fact that his name was a derivative of the word "poop" is hilarious all by itself. (The "pee" part was an added bonus.) Any kind of poop reference is a favorite, sure-fire laugh-getter for all males, rising above every known boundary including age, race, class, income, party and religion. Sure, it goes from fart jokes to anus jokes to steaming turd jokes and every possible variation in between. The only difference is the level of sophistication. Once, right after Nicholas sung one of his poop songs, I turned on a sports radio show just in time to hear a song about shit in four part harmony, sang with all the seriousness of a ballad amid the snorts and chuckles of the all-male crew ranging in ages from 25 to 53. FOUR MEN ACTUALLY SAT DOWN AND WROTE A SONG, WENT INTO A RECORDING STUDIO AND SANG INTO MICROPHONES AND EDITED AND PRODUCED TO THEIR SATISFACTION A SONG ABOUT SHIT AND THEN LIVED TO HEAR IT AIRED ON A MAJOR MARKET RADIO STATION FOR ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN.

Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I laugh really hard. And sometimes I even make my own poop jokes, usually in a pathetic attempt for acceptance into the fraternity. But there is no denying it. This "Poop" thing is the number one male obsession. Sure, there's the food obsession, but that stops at about age two and may not return until the teen years. And, of course, there's the sex obsession, but that doesn't even enter a boy's mind for years. On the other hand, make a fart noise to an infant boy, and he'll laugh about it for the rest of his life.